Three years ago I was lonely. Three years ago, if you had told me this:
"Jenna, in three years you will be living with the man of your dreams in a loving, healthy, thriving relationship and you haven't felt lonely since that first day you accidentally grabbed his arm while crossing the street."
I would have despairingly replied - yeah right, I don't think the universe wants me to have love.
I'm not lovable.
Well... that was three years ago and low and behold I am in the most loving, healthy, thriving relationship I've ever experienced, learning the depths and reaches of love like never before. I barely remember how to feel lonely now. On a daily basis I feel filled and safe and beautiful and so so so loved. Three years ago I was barely allowing myself to hope for love. Now I know love is all around me all of the time and really always has been. Three years ago I was afraid to trust. Now I am as open and vulnerable as a new born baby - because I have been re-born. I am a new lovable, not-lonely person!
Now it's present time and I'm leaving my field of work and a part of me is feeling like if you told me this:
"Jenna in less than three years you will have the career of your life- I'm talking THE PERFECT JENNA JOB - and you haven't had a single worried thought about money since that first day you wrote that blog about manifesting your dream job."
Even though all of me wants to believe this with every inch of my being, I find myself despairingly replying - yeah right, I don't think the universe wants me to have money.
I'm not worthy.
Now it's present time three years from now. Now I am working my absolute dream job. Now I not only feel worthy, but I feel wanted, and appreciated, creative and expansive. People search me out for help and advice and healing. I see how all the bumps and bruises along the way led me to this work in the world and it makes every minute of my life count. I wake up in the morning and I can't wait to get started on my work. It fills me with such joy and that joy just spills out into every other part of my life. I have colleagues all over the globe and my work is helping to unite the joy bringers and light workers and wonderful trouble makers of the world. I travel, I sing, I speak, I write, I teach. I have down time and freedom. I facilitate and spend time in nature and work lovingly with children. I heal and I love it. And I receive money for this! I get paid the BIG BUCKS to do what I love! I get paid the BIG BUCKS to follow my joy! This is amazing and I feel like a new born baby. I have been re-born. I am a new, capable, worthy and competent person!
Ok look, the truth is, I don't know exactly what that perfect Jenna Job is yet. And yes, I am a little scared as I leave all that I have known and step out into the great abyss - but that's just today. Three years ago I was a little scared I would spend the rest of my life alone and heartbroken - but I found love.
How did I find the love of my life? It was really this simple - I finally gave myself permission to want it. I finally got lonely enough to say - ENOUGH OF THIS! I want love, I need love, I deserve love and I will do anything to find it, even if it takes me my whole life looking. I will find that love that I know is out there. I just KNOW there is a perfect match for me out there. I just know there is the perfect interval to my note. And you know, after really giving myself that permission to want love, it took less than a week to find him!
So now I am going out on a high perched and precarious limb here. I am finally poor and exhausted enough to say ENOUGH OF THIS! I want joyful work, I need joyful work that compensates, I am worthy of being paid for my talents and gifts. I am giving myself permission to want blissful work that creates abundance in my life beyond my wildest dreams. I just KNOW it is out there, I know it is needed, I know I will KNOW it when it comes to me. I am finally giving myself permission to want this and... we'll see where I am in three years!